Friday, February 19, 2010

My everyday

I haven't given up of course... Not this time... Not ever again!

I have been going to the gym and worked out much harder! I can feel it in every muscle, but last night wasn't a good night... I had exercised for 1 hour in the gym (30 mins. cardio, 30 mins weight lifting) I was happy and felt good about it all... But hubby felt like having pizza and I thought "Why not?" WHY NOT??? LOOK AT YOU! THAT IS WHY NOT! But I still had 1/2 a pizza (from D'Giorno) grape juice, coffee and RAISINETTES!  Yes! Chocolate covered raisins! They were great but I know I shouldn't have!

It's one step back but that will not stop me!

Thin-side out.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


Now that I know where I want to go and how I am going to get there... I need ... support! But I have to choose the right people to support me... not just tell "everybody" (like in a blog! j/k) no but honestly, you do need support from people who understand you, love you and want you to succeed!

Last night my husband went out to get pizza, I couldn't cook here at home for several reasons, but the point is that I asked him to bring something "better" for me.... He said it would take him longer, he was really hungry, etc.... he said he would just bring the pizza home. I thought I might not eat then, but I felt like: -whatever, if he brings pizza, then it "was meant to happen" - Once he got home he told me that my thin side called him and talked to him so he brought something different for me, I just laughed! He's been reading my blog so he is now using my own "vocabulary" of my thin and fat sides. It was really funny, so he brought me a pizza, yes, but from Lean Cuisine, I know it is still not the best option, but for "emergencies" it's better than a regular pizza, I was hungry at the end, but I was happy to know my husband will help my thin self come back to the surface!

The picture above is not to make us struggle... It's just to show my lean cuisine pizza and remind us all that even in situations like that (when we cannot cook or we are outside or in a rush) we can still "choose better"

So, Who is your support?

Thin-side out.

Monday, February 8, 2010

The "How to"

To achieve any goal we must have a plan, to get somewhere we need to answer 2 questions:

1. Where am I going?
2. How am I going to get there?

Now that I already know where I am going.... I need to have clear directions to know how to get there.... or I might take longer than I should, I might get lost, I might even forget where I was going!

As you can see I added a ticker on top of my blog... I have a very specific, healthy and realistic amount of weight I know I should lose, I've been a size 2 in the past but if I set that as my goal I know I would see myself frustrated and I want my weight loss for the first time to be for health reasons not only for the way "I want to look no matter what"

So... How am I going to get there?

Just as my goal should be realistic, my changes and ways of doing it should be realistic too... I can't set methods I won't be able to keep because that will only guarantee I will fail once again!

So here are the things I will be doing now:

1. Keep a food journal. (where I will registry everything I eat, track calories and identify where I can make better choices, etc.)

2. Drink more water (Right now I drink juice too, so I am getting rid of that! It's just extra sugar, I do not drink any soda already, so that shouldn't be a problem, I need to make sure I get at least 8 cups of water daily)

3. Reduce salt (UGH! I love salt! I know I should check the amounts of sodium I get! I am sure this will help make a big difference)

4. Exercise consistently (Right now I am trying to exercise 1hr. Mon-Fri so I have to exercise 1hr. -minimum- everyday)

5. Learn to say "No thanks" Not everything that people offers I have to say YES! immediately, I learned a book once that said how many times we, compulsive eaters, eat just because we have this feeling of "not being able to eat it" or the feeling of "this is a special occasion, who knows when I'll be able to eat this food again" .... it's all a rebellious attitude because of the deprivation feeling! So I have to remember that I can actually EAT ANYTHING whenever I want... it's just that I am CHOOSING not to because... (and here is where my next point comes)

6. Remember why I am doing this "I choose to eat healthier and exercise because_____________" : And here is where I've struggled in the past... Many times when I am on a "diet" or "exercising to lose weight" I've done it with this feeling of anger towards me! I've done it to "punish the fat woman in me" I've done it upset because I "can't eat like others do" instead of eating healthier and exercising because I want to feel better... Because I DESERVE TO eat healthier and not all that junk that really hurts me, I should see the eating healthier and exercising like "an act of love" towards me, a reward instead of a punishment for being "such a bad girl" ....

7. Not get obsessed with the scale! This is such a struggle... I have to remember that yes, I want to lose weight, but I have to see the big picture and not the "here and now" even if the scale doesn't change as much and as fast as I want to I have to remember that the changes I am making are all good and will help me achieve the good health I need, the weight will eventually change too! So I will be getting on the scale only once every week. (instead of 5 times a day)

8. Post on this blog... I see it almost like therapy.... and I know that the encouragement from others who are or were in my situation will be a great help for me.

9. And last but NOT LEAST ... Pray! I have to pray about all this... Because there is really NOTHING I can do without Him by my side, I have to remember that when I am weak HE is strong and that I can be freed of this addiction, letting him carry my burdens, my anxiety and going to Him when I feel sad, upset, lonely or anything like that instead of looking for refuge and comfort in food that never completely fills me.

Thanks for reading!

Thin-side out.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Baby steps - One battle at a time

My husband is very thin and he loves eating healthy but he also loves pastry, all baked goods and candy! he bought brownie bites and some pumpkin muffins on Thursday, I had 3 big slices of pizza for dinner and those brownies and muffins for dessert ugh! As you know I am trying (since yesterday, Friday) to watch what I eat and exercise, having brownies in the house was SUCH A BIG TEMPTATION! I kept fighting against myself!, it's like if the thin woman who wants to come out was fighting the fat woman who doesn't want to go! It was such a battle, almost like a real discussion inside my head, the thin woman inside of me telling me not to eat those brownies and the fat woman arguing and saying that brownies wouldn't make such a big difference in an already 227lb. woman!

It was hard! I kept finding the fat side of me going to the cabinet where my thin-side had tried to hide the brownies!!! And I found myself saying: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? Don't you want to be thin ever again?"

I am happy I won that first of the many battles to come, it is hard being your worst enemy!!! But I am confident I will win this war one battle at a time!

Thin-side out.

Friday, February 5, 2010

First... about me...

I am a woman... who seems to have eaten her thin-self a while ago!

I started struggling with my weight when I was 16yrs. old... I wasn't overweight, but as a teen I let others convince me I was.... so I started taking pills to lose the "imaginary" extra-weight, yes, I did lose some of it... and then I just gained twice as much, that's where the nightmare started! Now I truly needed to lose a few pounds, I knew the "fast way" to do it... so instead of just exercising or eating better I went to my friends, the pills again, I was "successful" (if you want to put it that way) and lost about 30 pounds, to only gain 40 back, it was horrible, but not enough to make me change my lifestyle, that was about 15 yrs. ago....

I haven't been really trying to lose weight for about 3 yrs. ... it's almost like I gave up, and I am now 227 lbs. 9 oz. I am 5' 6" and I am tired of carrying all this extra weight.... I am married and my husband is great but I wish he knew me the way I know I can be... I don't want to be obsessed with my weight, this time I want it to be a real change in my lifestyle, one that will last, not just a quick fix!

I went to the doctor yesterday and once I was on that scale I decided enough is enough, 2 months ago I was 216, about 8 months ago I was 196 and last night on that scale I saw the horrific 227!!!

So, Here I go! I hope you follow me on this journey, to encourage or be encouraged (if possible)

To find ... with me... the good, healthy and permanent way of losing weight.... Exercising and eating in a balanced, moderate way!

Eating to live and not living to eat!

I will not reveal my identity, just now... Maybe one day... I might share some pictures soon too.

Thin-side out.